Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
