You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
