I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
