someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
