Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
