this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
