This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
