what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
