Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
