so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
