I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
