this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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