I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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