$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You're like the curious george of whores
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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