I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
