I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
As shirtless as possible
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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