You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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