don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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