I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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