i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
