After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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