well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
