Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
