my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
