There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
