I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
