Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
