i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
