I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
