My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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