FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
