Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
