Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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