Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
