He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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