Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
