Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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