I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
