you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
