you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
