it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
