just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
