im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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