This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
