I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
