wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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