worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
