he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
