well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
