By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
