You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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