The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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