is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
