In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
